


Pizza Party

by Toaster_Warlock



Series: I'm So Sorry [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: 12am pizza break, Bottom Hanzo Shimada, Crack, Hanzo is a gecko, Hanzo isnt like an actual gecko, Hes not kin, I cant believe winston is dead, Im sorry syf, Its just a reference to how he climbs walls, M/M, Oh god, PNG: 3000+, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Top Jesse McCree, Wow, lasagna, smut?, thats all I got
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 08:50:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11620119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toaster_Warlock/pseuds/Toaster_Warlock
Summary: What's shakin, bacon?





	Pizza Party

**Author's Note:**

> I was up at 1am and dying so have this. Also rip the pro torb main who had to put up with this.

McCree waltzed into the kitchen of his apartment. It was 12 am and he wanted some of the good ol 12 am 5 day old cold pizza. He lagged through a few walls (cause his ping was over 5000) and eventually grabbed that saucy pizza. _SUDDENLY_ there was a noise behind him. He reached for his gun, but remembered it was midnight, so he reached for his Bessy, but remembered he had made plans without him tonight. He was still mad about it. He watched, shakin in his boots, because every good cowpoke knows to wear ya spurs ta bed, as someone walked through his living room. Wait a minute. McCree knew that smell of depression and self loathing anywhere. It was none other than the Japanese bowman, Hanzo. But he didn't have his bow, so…..just the man. Fine man that he was. McCree looked and exclaimed at Hanzo, who just gave him a look and pit patted past him, going for the pizza. McCree made a noise between a seagull that was pissed off and a train that had just derailed than rerailed then got railed. Hanzo _REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_ ed at McCree when he tried to take the pizza and geckoed his way up a wall, his jaws tightly clenched around the meal. Jesse glared at the anime man that the government had obviously sent to kill him and lunged for him, attempting to scramble (an egg) up the wall as well. He didn't make it. Jessfell back on his ass and made a bunch of cowboy noises at the ground, Hanzo, pizza gods, and the government. Hanzo climbed down from the wall and broke the pizza in half, truly an act that came from the heart, and gave the (admittedly smaller) half to McCree. McCre smiled and smiled and ate the pizza with the dragon. Truly he was blessed this day. Hanzo stared at him while he finished his half, considering he ate fast as fuck, and then opened his mouth to spoke. But before the man who claimed up a wall like a gecko could get any words in McCree speaked. “N’w darilin’ I ‘now ya di’n’ jus' cum h‘ere fer som’ good ol’ fashined pie. So why don’cha go on an’ tell lil’ ok me why yer ‘ere.” “i was about to but you interrupted me” McCree nodd ed and shook his head and bobbled his head and made a motion that signaled he wouldn't speak till hiankzo finished talking. “thanks fam. So I came here cause I was like, damn, i want the sweet sexy McArizona can Mcdick to mc fuck me up and like. That's it. I'm here. I'm queer.” McCree looked Hanzo dead in the eyes. “Hi queer im dad.” Mr. Gecko Depression bowman moaned. Dad jokes are hot after all. McCree stood and helped McCree up as he helped Hanzo up off the floor. Ha no then proceeded to pick up McCree and take him to the bedroom. Breaking the 4th wall, Hanzo slammed into the room, instead of using the conviently placed door. C'mon Hanzo, like, doors are a thing. Shut up, Hanzo said, only not to mccree, who had said nothing and was waiting for Hanzo to do something. Hanzo placed McCree on the bed, gently, because he was kind after all. McCree pulled him down for a nice moist kiss, and Hanzo nyaaed at McCree. They rolled around like a couple of idiots (idiots in love) and eventually McCree was on top and Hanzo, who had accidently glitched his nip nip into the bed, was on the botrom. They made face love for a while before McCree decided he wanted to feel that soft love tunnel. “‘i’m’a gun’a take ya ta flavourtown baby.” Hanzo bit his silky, shiny, beautiful (honwslty how are his lips do amazing????????) lip and pushed his hips against McCree's hips who pushed his hips back down against the hips that were on the bed but now against his. McCree reached over to the bedside table and fumbled around a bit before there was a noise that sounded like when a bucket in Skyrim got lagged into a wall and decided to fuck it. That god awful “bang, tang, clang” noise. And eventually his hand slid into the drawer, after his arm became a tafy string from all the bugs in the game, and finally produced the lasagna scented and flavoured lube. He drizzled the sweet smelling slicker on Hanzos never-ending abs and then his pink rose bud. The man made a noise of discomfort because god fuck was it cold. Like meis cryo gun against his hidden valley. McCree gave him an apologetic look and then rubbed his fingers around Hanzos meaty bouncy ass. He eventually found a hole and stuck a finger in there. Hanzo blushed and moaned, of course, unless it hurts, I'm not sure, fuck you. So Hanzo was moaning. And Jesse was also moaning even though he wasn't really being stimulated, I guess he's just getting off on those noises. Eventually, after a few minutes he had worked all 7 fingers into Hanzos pirate treasure. McCree looked at Hanzo who was looking at McCree who was looking at you who is looking at this who was looking at McCree who was looking at Hanzo and gave him a look that asked if he was ready. “yes. I'm ready. Gimme that sweet mc Arizona diccy.” McCree obligated and put it in. I guess it felt good cause Hanzo have a loud moan, loud enough that Winston all the way in heaven, heard it and was confused as all hell. How embarrassing. McCree started to move in that moist periwinkle garage but the animators lost funding so it probably just looked like two stick figures trying to be bumper cars. Hanzo, who was now getting Thomas the train engined into the matress moaned like crazy and eventually came, and McCree did too at some point. They both came down from their highs and stared into each other's eyes. “thank you macuree-san.” “‘o pro’lem ‘arlin’” they both fell asleep to the sound of the void and hell fire. It was the most peaceful night they ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> Gimme those sweet McKudos. I hate this and myself, good night!


End file.
